A heart’s choice

R:

My heart has made its choice,
once and for ever,
though it may not rejoice,
most likely never,
about its fulfilment,
it’s impossible,
you’ll never be my man,
only heart’s trouble.
 

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After all these years
I still can’t forget,
still can’t get you out
of my mind and head.

And heaven knows I
have been trying hard
to remove you from
my desiring heart.

I know something is
wrong with what I feel,
’cause I shouldn’t be,
but it’s lasting still.

And from time to time
it snatches my soul,
tearing the old scar
to a gaping hole.

When occasionally,
just out of the blue,
I have a night dream
with who else but you.

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I’m anxious to catch,
when there is a chance,
stealthy sights of you
or at least a glance.

And my heart trembles
when you’re on your own,
but when she’s with you
all the thrill is gone.

Instantly my mood
drops so very low,
I blame myself for
losing such a beau.

Partly angered still
 for what I then did,
my affection to
you oddly revealed.

I admit it was
not in the best way.
If only I could
change the past, I pray.

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Many things I would
have done otherwise,
wouldn’t have listened
to the wrong advice.

I would have asked you
out for a date night
much earlier this time.
All would have been right.

But I blame you too
for not responding,
thus making me feel
I was bothering.

But no matter how
much we both failed it,
only my heart will
always regret it,

and, though you don’t heed,
may yet long love you.
Just the time will prove
if the love was true.