All sorts of thoughts

I don’t do love. I don’t know how to.
Apparently, I don’t have a clue.
Actually, I could never see
how I might ever possibly be
just good enough for anybody.
And you cemented that view in me.
Though it was originally you,
taking me to a dance one night, who
made me think for a while that maybe
you DID find me good enough to be
your girl. Silly me for so thinking,
seeing in you my silver lining,
and admitting that maybe I was
not, after all, a hopeless lost cause,
as I’d never felt so good before
with anyone else I’d fallen for.
I should have known better that it was
just another trap, another ruse.
I guess that night you only needed
a soft body to lean on, that’s it;
a torso to wrap your hands around,
not a face or a name to it bound
that would go and stay with you for life,
becoming your girl, possibly wife,
despite of what you told me back then—
how you’d been lonely for so long and
wanted some girl—right me to become
your lover. How could I be so dumb,
so stupid that I so naively
believed everything you then told me?
Guess, it was because I wanted to.
I so wanted your words to be true,
though I didn’t fully realise
it at first. With you I felt so nice
and wanted that to continue.
I truly wanted to be with you.
I wanted you and I wanted to
someday become a housewife for you:
showing you love through cooking for you,
washing and ironing your clothes too,
listening to you talking about
what your day was like—Just vent it out!—
then having a  shower together
and making love—Could it be better?—
watching the sun rise, set down again,
and the starts light up in the sky plane,
all the while hugging you from behind,
our lives forever intertwined.
I would even gladly learn to make
proper coffee for you, not the fake
instant one. I still do want all this
since the undeniable truth is
that I have never felt so strongly
for anyone, nor loved so greatly.
I’ve never missed or craved anyone
this much. You’re still my heart’s number one.
In the world there’s but one of your kind.
You fill every corner of my mind,
so I think about you all day long.
I see your face in every lovesong,
hear you in every beat of my heart.
I can’t stand us two to be apart.
I don’t say I can’t live without you,
because I can. I already do.
I just don’t want to be without you.
If I could rewind time, I would do
many things differently than I did
just to take advantage of your mood
from that night. I would do everything
to make it last, my beloved darling.
I’d give my all to meet you anew
and repair what I formerly blew.
Until then I keep praying for you
and your family each day, I do,
may we once reconcile at least in
the afterlife. So I keep wishing,
because I love you, dear, forever,
regardless if we be together.