Home for the holidays

I shouldn’t have come home for the holidays.
For me it’s become an ambiguous place.
Here I’m so close to you, yet so very far.
That knowledge is painful and deepens my scar.

I have such an unbearably heavy soul
despite you leaving it with a gaping hole.
My heart is in throes and my spirits so low
that I secretly cried three nights in a row;

all that because I miss you ever so much—
your wide, giddy smile, your closeness, and your touch.
I wish I could call you or, better, that you
surprisingly visited me and the two

of us spent the whole holidays together.
With you everything would be simply better,
’cause you’re the best that ever happened to me.
And that’s why only with you I want to be.