III

13

Rejno

Milujem, ako spotvoruješ
slovo “ráno” a to, ako v ňom
slovenčinu anglicizuješ.
Je to tak absurdné, až to je
roztomilé, no hlavne je to
tak unikátne a tak tvoje.

14

Ten správny

Ty si (bol) pre mňa ten správny človek
v správnom čase na správnom mieste,
hoci som to (sčasti pre tvoj vek)
spočiatku nevedela iste.

Chcela som viac než len to málo,
chcela som všetko. Stále aj chcem.
Tak mi povedz, prečo to nešlo.
Aspoň to vedieť potrebujem.

Ako sa mám zlepšiť, čo zmeniť,
aby ma chlapi mali radi,
keď žiaden z nich nevie vyjadriť,
čo im na mne vlastne tak vadí?

15

Pretence

I have no choice but to go about
my daily life as if nothing’s happening,
even though that on the inside, you without,
I’m completely disintegrating.

16

Memo

I get the memo, Life,
I’m not fated to become a wife,
not even a girlfriend,
but to stay alone until your end.

17

Salt above gold

Folktales teach us that salt is above gold,
but the most precious thing in the whole world
is love. Yes, love is even above salt
because love is life’s seasoning, life’s salt.
It’s the only salt that makes things sweeter.
No wonder then my life is so bitter.

18

In the middle of the night

Sometimes it takes me unawares in the middle of the night,
a sudden wave of an incredible heaviness of heart
which I can’t effectively fight and so I succumb to yet
another woeful crying fit. And it’s in moments like that
I wish I could crawl into your arms to bring me vital ease
instead of being left to cry myself to sleep, as it is.              

19

Golgotha

So my Golgotha is already here.
I knew it was near; that none can oppugn.
I practically prophesised its coming.
I just didn’t think it would come so soon,
at the very beginning of the year.

Now I can do naught but voicelessly scream
into my pillow until my jaw hurts,
my eyes are swollen from all the crying,
and my broken heart blood anxiously spurts,
as you’re nailing me to the abstract beam.

I just hope that all this anguish and pain
has some meaning — that God takes, hopefully,
it as a sacrifice contributing
to the salvation of your family
and you, as I proposed, lest it’s in vain.