Our inner children

I’ve been wondering what it is about my love that
triggers you so much; which sore soft spot I’m touching
upon. I guess I see it now. I understand
why you fear to give me a chance. I’ve been reading
a lot about it. Whether you like it or not,
whether you’re aware of it or not, we’re very
much alike. All our actions, all we do stems
from the same root — and this is the part most scary —
it stems from the desire to be seen and loved
and validated because our children selves
were broken, neglected and made feel unworthy
of own existence. We just each have different ways
of manifesting it, according to how we
were programmed. I hold onto people dear to me
no matter what they do, or I isolate and
hold back from society, on the contrary,
when I feel like I am but a burden on it,
hyperfocusing on work. You’ve been escaping
away from home for hiking trips with friends
since teenage years, and recently you’ve been going
from girl to girl every nine months on average just
to run away as soon as it gets serious,
sabotaging each relationship, only to
focus on your work too. It is then curious
that it’s only when you’re without a girl that you
principally devote yourself to sports, so that
it seems like you are always running from something.
Yet we both do it because we hope to prove that
we mean something; that we indeed deserve to live.
It’s a never-ending fight. Why don’t you trust me
then when I tell you that you’re worthy to me and
that you mean more than anybody else to me?
Why are you afraid to believe that I will not
give up on you no matter how big your childhood
demons are — because so are mine and because I
am not a let-goer? You I’d never delude.
Oh, wait! I know why. I know very well how hard
it is to believe that we are important and
valuable to someone and accept the love
that is offered us, for it indeed makes us stunned
when we’re used to getting only criticism
and insults. That’s familiar to us as we
grew up in it and unconditional love feels
thus strange, foreign, unfamiliar, and scary.
But know that it is an extraordinary luck
to meet somebody who sees more in us; who sees
the good in us and likes us as we are, even
with our mistakes. That sure miraculous is.