Summer sorrow

Here I am on the hay hill sitting,
again and still of you thinking.
It’s time for the full moon to rise,
but I turn my back to its face
cause I can feel how it laughs
mocking my futile loves.

I no longer watch the stars,
the sight would chafe my love-scars.
Before I go to sleep
I need phone games to tire me,
so that I don’t have energy
to ponder about thee.

I’m afraid to go out, roam the streets,
for our village haunts me with memories
of moments when I encountered you.
I miss the sight of you, I do.
The knowledge, it aches to my core
that I may not see you anymore.

No more to meet you running in the fields.
So strangely pointless walking my dog there now feels.
No more to hear your lovely voice
while serving at Sunday Mass,
instead the place makes me wanna cry,
I can’t focus as my thoughts to you fly.

As soon as I put these lines down, crazy enough,
the very next day you again show up.
And I can’t look at you,
not because I would hate you,
the reason is that I fear
the sight of you would make my eyes tear.

The biggest mistake I could do?
Take the advice not to chase you.
I love you but you’re my forbidden fruit
attracting me all the more and that’s not good.
Our need for love just didn’t meet
in time and values pyramid.

One of my loves you remain.
The life here will never be the same.
Whatever could have been
is now just unfulfilled dream.
But no matter where you are,
you’re always in my heart.