What reason tells me

I never have and I never will
experience actual romance.
In long years, the closest was the thrill
when you pulled me close in a slow dance.

I know it is crazy and stupid.
Why did I ever even allow
that chunky little flying Cupid
to shoot me with his poisoned arrow?

I should not be feeling what I do,
you’re too different and too young for me.
I must forget I ever knew you,
the attraction there just should not be.

I mustn’t nourish these feelings, too,
I have to pretend they don’t exist.
I should not care about people who
don’t care about me in the slightest.

Not to fall in, I’ve been trying hard.
Unsuccessfully, so now I quit.
No more shall I listen to the heart,
it’s only hormones speaking from it.

No more will I let it get broken
by opening it to anyone.
I’ll never let it go that far when
guys only shoo me away and shun.

My care no one does appreciate,
everyone’s rather bothered by it.
For no one am I appropriate.
This road is not for me appointed.

Ever more I guess I may be cursed,
doomed not to find a relationship.
Apparently, guys deem me the worst
girl, not even the last choice, to keep.

No one’s asked me  for a date yet,
hardly would it happen from now on.
Seemingly, it is just not my fate.
I’d only find a man in blue moon.

You’d think I should be immune by now
to constantly being rejected.
Nonetheless, it still breaks me somehow
when my crush’s not reciprocated.

Always hurt, I should stop expecting
anyone could ever love me back,
stop dreaming of experiencing
a romance that won’t leave me a wreck.

I should focus on such elements
of life like hobbies, work. So I scheme.
But what good are all the achievements
when there’s no one with whom to share them?

I shall retreat to my secure shell
and never come out of it again,
for I’m living my personal hell,
never being loved by any man.

That way it’s easier and safer than
always struggling with life to move on,
trying to forget a certain man
by sleeping into oblivion.

Which does not work well as in my dreams
that guy occasionally shows up.
And though I avoid him, my heart screams
with longing impossible to stop.

All I can e’er do is fantasize
and write lovelorn effectless poems.
Guys with hearts cold like coffee drink iced,
I’m composing these warm lines for them.